What he said.
Printable View
On their way to the church to get married, a young Catholic couple
were involved in a fatal car accident.
Being good Catholics the young couple find themselves sitting outside
the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting, they begin to wonder: could they possibly get married
in Heaven?
When St. Peter finally showed up, they asked him.
St Peter said "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked.
Let me go find out" and he leaves them sitting at the Gate.
After three months, St Peter finally returns, looking somewhat
bedraggled. "Yes" he informs the couple " I can get you married in
Heaven".
"Great!" said the couple "But we were just wondering, what if things
don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
"You must be bloody joking" says St. Peter, red-faced with
frustration, slamming his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple".
"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted "It took me three months to find a
priest up here .....Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find
a lawyer?"
Oh that one hit me just right. Well done.
...x2
A man boarded a plane with six kids. After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?"
He replied, "No. I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
Early Days of Marriage
After being married for 50 years, a man took a careful look at his wife and said, “Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junky car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV. But every night, I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now, we have a $750,000 home, a $65,000 car, a nice big bed and an 80-inch flat screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 73-year-old saggy woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”
After a moment of pause, the wife replied, “Why don’t you go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and I will make sure that you would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.”
A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag."
Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said "Father, I'm cold." He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got the blanket and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, "Father, I'm still very cold.."
He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping bag once again. Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold."
This time, he remained there and said, "Sister, I have an idea. We're out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let's pretend we're married."
The nun said, "That's fine by me."
To which the priest yelled out, "Great. Get up and get your own stupid blanket!"