February's Fun Farsical Favors

[kenemoore]

Two wives go out for girls night.
Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee.
They stopped at a cemetery, but had nothing to wipe with.
One use her panties, the other grabbed a wreath off a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said
"No more girls night out! My wife came back with no panties!"
The other husband said " You think that's bad? Mine came back with a card in her crack, that read
from all of us at the fire station...We will never forget you!

[kenemoore]

After his plane was hit and he was forced to eject the Navy fighter pilot finally regained consciousness in a hospital in agonizing pain.
He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function and an absolutely stunning, gorgeous, and sexy nurse hovering over him looking worried. He realized he was in a life-threatening situation.
The nurse gave him a serious look, straight into his eyes. Knowing he was not only a fighter pilot but also a sailor she spoke to him softly and slowly enunciating each word;
"You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply; ‘'Can I feel your t*ts?"
That my friends is a real positive attitude.

[wyntrout]

[wyntrout]

[340pd]

[wyntrout]

************************************************** ****

Why did I get divorced?

Well, last week was my birthday.

My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday.

My parents forgot and so did my kids.

I went to work and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday.

As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!”

I felt so SPECIAL!

She asked me out for lunch.

After lunch, she invited me to her apartment!

We went there and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?”

“Okay!” I said.

She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!”

While I was waiting on the sofa… NAKED.

************************************************** ****

[getsome]

Good one Wyn!

[getsome]

Two hospital Doctors were discussing their newly hired head floor Nurse Nancy....One Doctor said to the other one, You know we may have made a mistake when we decided to hire Nurse Nancy because I think she may be dyslexic or something because I gave her orders to give Mrs. Jackson 1 shot of pain medication every 4 hours and she gave her 4 shots every hour and nearly killed her....The other Doctor said, you know the same thing happened when I told her to give Mrs. Thompson an enema every 8 hours and she gave her 8 enemas in an hour and Mrs. Thompson was none to happy about that at all.....The first Doctor suddenly got a panicked look on his face and said Oh My God I've got to find Nurse Nancy fast because I told her to prick Mr. Dixons boil before she left for the day!!!!........

[wyntrout]

He Didn’t Expect His Wife To Keep Having Babies. What He Says Next Is So Stupid It Hurts.

In the backwoods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night. The doctor was called in to assist in the delivery.


To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.”



Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.”Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down. I think there’s yet another wee one to come.”



Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another baby.



“Now don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man. It seems there’s yet another!” cried the doctor.



The new father scratched his head in bewilderment and asked the doctor. “Do ya think it’s the light that’s attractin’ them?”

[wyntrout]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.


"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"



Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."



He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"



Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."



The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful.
Now listen very, very closely:

Are - my - test - results - back?"