May humor

[Bawanna]

We're all saddened. Funny thing about this forum. An awful lot of very good friends we'd walk through flames to help out that we've never even met.
I had no clue what Dietrich even looked like until just prior to his passing. I couldn't have picked him out of a line up.
I was about as depressed and saddened as I was when my own father passed, I think even more so. He was a good guy.

He lived as far out on the East coast as you can get, I live nearly as far on the west coast and I offered to drive to his place for a visit, help out, cheer him up, pull his chain, and I meant it. Several others here did the same.

Just one example there. There are many others.

Good group of people, a nationwide network to help each other out. What could be better than that.........

[Bills1873]

Nothing could be better than that. My short time here has easily led to that conclusion.

[Harrylee]

The madam opened the brothel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

"May I help you sir?" she asked.

The man replied, "I want to see Valerie."

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam.

He replied, "No, I must see Valerie."

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $10,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. "There are no discounts. The price is still $10,000."

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The man replied, "St. Louis."

"Really," she said. "I have family in St. Louis."

"I know," the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $30,000 inheritance."


The moral of this story is that three things in life are certain:

1. Death
2. Taxes

3. Being screwed by a lawyer

[CJB]

4. All balls itch

[Bills1873]

5. When it's improper to scratch them.

[Bawanna]

Always in search of a good time, during several of our quarterly department training session where everyone is stuff into a too small training room most of the day, I have about a dozen officers on my cell phone.
I'll text them all at the same time during a serious or boring time, usually the same thing and just text "My ball itch".

Usually they can't help but bust out laughing and the chief or whoever is flapping their gums wonders how they suddenly became so entertaining.

[getsome]

A lady calls a contractor To come to her house to paint inside...She walks him through the kitchen and says she would like it painted a nice bright sunny yellow so he says ok and writes in down on a pad then walks to the front door and yells out, Green side up!!!...She then takes him to the living room and says she would like it painted a flat eggshell white so he goes ok and walks back to the front door and yells, Green side up!!!....The lady walks him to the den and says she would like it painted light beige so he writes that down and goes to the front door and yells, Green side up!!!...The lady is getting curious about it but walks him to the bed room and says she wants it painted baby blue so he writes that down and again goes to. The door and this time really yells out, GREEN SIDE UP DAMN IT!!!...Now the lady had to know what was going on and asked the guy why every time she told him something about what color she wanted he yelled out the door, Green side up?....The contractor apologized and said that he had a crew of blondes working on a job across the street laying fescue sod...

[GROTMAN]

I've heard of appendix carry but not sure what you would call this..

[gb6491]

That boy needs some help

[Armybrat]

Nah, that's called CBC - Colon Blow Carry.

Just showed that pic to some fellows on a Texas sports board - one guy captioned it thusly:

SOB.

Small of butt carry.