April Foolishness

[kenemoore]

A sailor, a soldier, an Airman and a Marine got into an argument about which branch of the service was "The Best".
The argument became so heated the four servicemen failed to see an oncoming truck as they crossed the street. They were hit by the truck, and all four were killed instantly.
Soon, the four servicemen found themselves at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. There, they met Saint Peter and decided that only he could be the ultimate source of truth and honesty.
So, the four servicemen asked him, Saint Peter, which branch of the United States Armed Forces is the best?
Saint Peter replied, I cannot answer that. However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on Earth and welcome to Heaven.
Sometime later the four servicemen see Saint Peter and remind him of the question they asked when first entering Heaven. The four
servicemen asked Saint Peter if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands on Saint Peter's shoulder.
In the dove's beak is a note glistening with gold dust. Saint Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos
and Saint Peter begins to read the note aloud to the four servicemen.

MEMORANDUM FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY ONE
TO: All Former Sailors, Soldiers, Airmen and Marines
SUBJECT: Which Military Service is the Best

All branches of the United States Armed Forces are honorable and noble.
Each serves America well and with distinction.
Serving in the United States military represents a great honor
warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication from your fellow man.
Always be proud of that.

Warm Regards,

God
U. S. NAVY (Retired)

[AJBert]

From an old salt, that is funny right there!

[Alfonse]

My daughter and I went out to the range for a bit today. We finally had a day in the 60's and I had some parts to test. I took a K9 and a Beretta for some fun shooting too.

It was a really nice couple hours. On the way home it occurred to me that if I'm ever attacked and in fear of my life, my training will really kick in if the bad folks are wearing shirts with concentric circles over their center of mass.

[Bawanna]

Should be a law that bad people have to wear shirts with them concentric circles.

[jeepster09]

Experiences with ghosts

---

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
About 15 students raise their hand.
"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Three students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
Way in the back, Hamad raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks,
"So Hamad, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"
Hamad replied, "Shoot, from way back there I thought you said goats."

[wyntrout]

Good ones, guys.

[AIRret]

A letter from a loving Mother!!



Dearest Sun,


I’m writing this slow ’cause I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won’t be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn’t have to change their address.



This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven’t seen ’em since.



It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.



We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn’t make the final payment on Grandma’s funeral bill, up she comes. About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don’t know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.



Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.



Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other 2 got drowned. They couldn’t get the tailgate down.



Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened.



I woz gonna send some money with this but I sealed the flap before I could.



If you don’t get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.



Love, Ma

[GROTMAN]

I believe this was P.S. to the above letter from Ma.

By the way I now also have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

[GROTMAN]

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago..

Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’

[AIRret]

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago..

Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’

I thought you were going to say CROW!!!