June jocularity (no relation to Jocko)

[340pd]

http://thehardtimes.net/news/massive...umper-sticker/

[Bawanna]

Stumbled across this old email from Muggsy. Made me chuckle so thought it worth repeating.

Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing. He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours.

The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days. So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen. On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your
Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".

The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way."

So he continued on his way.

However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying job of royal forecaster. The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."

So the king hired the donkey.

Thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work for the government and paying them outrageous salaries to occupy its highest and most influential positions .

The practice is unbroken to this day.

[ltxi]

Sadly, I very much resemble that. Unsadly, I got away with it.

[Planedude]

Yup, your right, that's a good one...

[b4uqzme]

Armybrat's upcoming 50th wedding anniversary reminded me of an old Henny Youngman (IIRC) joke:

The secret to a long, successful marriage is to go out on a romantic, candlelit dinner twice a week.................

.................................She goes on Tuesday and he goes on Thursday.

[dustnchips]

netdna-cdn.com
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Jimmy: “9.”
Principal: “6 x 6?”
Jimmy: “36.”
And so it went on like this, the principal asked him every question a fourth grader should know. Finally, after about an hour, he told the teacher “I see no reason why Jimmy can’t go to the fourth grade, he answered all of my questions right.”
The teacher asked if she could ask him some questions. The principal and Jimmy agree.



Teacher: “What does a cow have 4 of that I only have 2 of?”
Jimmy: “Legs”
Teacher: “What do you have in your pants that I don’t have?”
The principal gasps but before he can stop him from answerin gJimmy says, “Pockets.”
Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Jimmy: “Pants.”
Teacher: “What starts with F and ends with K and means a lot of excitement?”
Jimmy: “Firetruck.”
The principal breaths a big sigh of relief and says “Put Jimmy in the fourth grade. I got the last 4 questions wrong myself.”

[mr surveyor]

that was funny


jd

[jeepster09]

Good ones!

[jeepster09]

[jeepster09]

the nagging wife

---

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning 'til night she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He plowed a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field.
He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again. Complain, nag, complain, nag - it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said, 'Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.'

'And what about the men?' the minister asked.

'They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.'