August heat....

[jeepster09]

An elderly man moved into a nursing home. After he'd been there a few days, a nurse noticed him leaning to the right, and strapped his left arm to the chair. A few days later, she noticed him leaning to the left, and strapped his right arm to the chair. Not long after that, she noticed him leaning forward in his chair, so she strapped him to the back of the chair. His daughter came to visit him. "How do you like this place?" she asked him. "It's not bad," he replied, "except they won't let me fart."

[jeepster09]

A little girl wants to walk her dog, but her father says that she can't because the dog is in heat. After a moment's thought, he finally says, "Well, I guess, if we pour gas on the dog's rear end it will kill the scent." So he does. Half an hour later, the girl returns. The father says, "Where's the dog?" The girl replies,"She ran out of gas half a block down the street, and the neighbor's dog is pushing her home."

[jeepster09]

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that could service all of his many hens and when he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: "I have just the rooster for you. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!" So the farmer took Randy back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse, though, he gave Randy a little pep talk. "Randy", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Randy strutted into the henhouse and set to work.
Randy was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Randy had finished having his way with each hen. But Randy didn't stop there, he went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pighouse, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Randy, you'll kill yourself!" But Randy continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.
Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Randy lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Randy.
The farmer walked up to Randy saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you, my little buddy."
"Shhhhh," Randy whispered, "The buzzard's getting closer."

[jeepster09]

A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor but only one bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you sleep on the bed. I'll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag."
Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said "Father, I'm cold." He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got the blanket and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, "Father, I'm still very cold.."
He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping bag once again. Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold."
This time, he remained there and said, "Sister, I have an idea. We're out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let's pretend we're married."
The nun said, "That's fine by me."
To which the priest yelled out, "Great. Get up and get your own stupid blanket!"

[Bawanna]

Photo posting test.

Granddaughter turns 3 Saturday. Didn't like to go too fast, boat don't too fast but sometimes faster than she wanted to go.

[Bawanna]

Dang, it actually worked!

Here she is playing captain, she didn't grasp the concept of once you were headed where you want to go you don't have to turn the wheel no more.
My wife still has issues with that same thing, must be genetics.



Not my best side me thinks.

[Bawanna]

I think I might have this Postimage.org thing fingered out. Not 100% on sending an email pic but forum, no problem so far.

[kenemoore]

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or your finger?"

[Bawanna]

Now there's something worthy of consideration right there.

[Armybrat]

Beautiful lake and granddaughter, but didn't know bears drove boats.