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Thread: Spectacular September....

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Upstate, South Carolina
    Posts
    650

    Default

    A family is sitting around the dinner table. The son asks his father, “Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?”
    The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
    “Onions?” said the boy. “Yes, you see them and they make you cry,” the father replied.
    This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter asked, “Mom, how many kinds of willies are there?”
    The mother, surprised, smiled and looked at her daughter and answered, “Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible, but reliable. And after fifty, it is like a Christmas tree.”
    “A Christmas tree?” asked the daughter, confused.
    “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only.”
    NRA Benefactor

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Jacksonville, FL
    Posts
    10,532

    Default

    Gettin' my looter stand all set up. I scattered some small electronics and a flat screen by the end of the driveway to bait em in.

    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frédéric Bastiat’s essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.”
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Round Rock, Texas
    Posts
    2,972

    Default

    A man was driving near a truck stop and stopped for a traffic light. A scantily clad "lady" approached and said " anything you want for $150 honey" He asked" anything" Yes was the answer. She hopped into his car and they drove to his house. They got out and walked around the back where ladders and scaffolding were set up. He cracked open a can of paint handed her a brush and said "ok start painting.
    "My God, Woodrow. It has been quite a party, ain't it?"

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,357

    Default

    If you need to track a wounded one, you better change out of the "flip flops"

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,357

    Default

    Wyn, they are coming your way for that electronic stuff you planted.

    http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/storm/...Kz&ocid=ASUDHP

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    south east Michigan
    Posts
    1,856

    Default

    Wynn, this morning I heard that Jacksonville is experiencing historic flooding!
    Are you folks doing ok?

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    1,283

    Default

    I'm surprised at how politically incorrect all you members of Kahrtalk are. They are not looters but " UNDOCUMENTED SHOPPERS"

    We recently had some here in NC as well,
    "If we ever forget we are one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." Ronald Reagan

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Wet & Wild Pacific NW
    Posts
    26,893

    Default

    This one hit home.
    Attached Images Attached Images
    http://bawanna45.wix.com/bawannas-grip-emporium#!
    In Memory of Paul "Dietrich" Stines.
    Dad: Say something nice to your cousin Shirley
    Dietrich: For a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
    Cue sound of Head slap.

    RIP Muggsy & TMan

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    3,813

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wyntrout View Post
    Gettin' my looter stand all set up. I scattered some small electronics and a flat screen by the end of the driveway to bait em in.

    Now that there be seriously Funny!
    NRA Benefactor

  10. #20
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Twin Cities MN.
    Posts
    3,307

    Default You think your day was bad....

    I was sitting there at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

    "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" He says menacingly, as I burst into tears.

    "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure.” I was late to a meeting, and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen, and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me. So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.

    "I buy a drink, I drop a cyanide capsule in, and I sit here watching the poison dissolve..............… and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing! But, enough about me, how are you doing?
    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid,,,don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

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