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Thread: Spectacular September....

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Twin Cities MN.
    Posts
    3,259

    Smile Spectacular September....

    ‘OLD' IS WHEN...
    Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer,
    'Pick one; I can't do both!'

    'OLD' IS WHEN...
    Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes
    and you're barefoot..

    'OLD' IS WHEN...
    A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy
    and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

    'OLD' IS WHEN...
    Going braless
    pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

    'OLD' IS WHEN...
    You don't care where your spouse goes,
    just as long as you don't have to go along.

    'OLD' IS WHEN...
    You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

    'OLD' IS WHEN...
    'Getting a little action'
    means you don't need to take any fiber today.

    'OLD' IS WHEN...
    'Getting lucky'
    means you find your car in the parking lot.

    'OLD' IS WHEN...
    An 'all nighter'
    means not getting up to use the bathroom.

    AND
    'OLD' IS WHEN...

    You are not sure if these are jokes?
    "Life Member NRA"
    45's Rule...all others are wimpy!....

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Twin Cities MN.
    Posts
    3,259

    Default

    new Canadian coin

    The Royal Canadian Mint has just announced they are going to remove the polar bear from The $2 coin in view of its demise due to global warming!

    At the height of political correctness, they will replace it with two gay deer.



    The coin will now be called “two F***in’ bucks"!
    "Life Member NRA"
    45's Rule...all others are wimpy!....

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Twin Cities MN.
    Posts
    3,259

    Default Working out...for over 60 folks.

    New work out routine to get in shape!
    "Life Member NRA"
    45's Rule...all others are wimpy!....

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    The Free Zone
    Posts
    5,099

    Default

    Turned 60 earlier this year.
    Still get up at 3:15 AM M-F and head out to the gym.
    30-45 minutes of weight training followed by 38 minutes of cardio.
    Old for me is realizing I'm approaching retirement age.
    Accepting that maybe, just maybe, I've got enough guns and ammo for a while.
    Saving for a condo and figuring out where I want to settle down.

    The only good news?
    I don't have a reflection, so I don't have to watch myself get old - LOL!

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    N.C.
    Posts
    439

    Default

    I walked into the kitchen asking my niece for a phone book. She laughed, said I was old and handed me her smart phone instead.
    Long story short - Spider dead - phone broke - Niece crying in living room.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Twin Cities MN.
    Posts
    3,259

    Default Random Beaver Shot....

    Random Beaver Shot....
    Attached Images Attached Images
    "Life Member NRA"
    45's Rule...all others are wimpy!....

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,348

    Default


    I'm not petting that sweaty thing!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    1,280

    Default

    Believe the correct saying is "don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things"!!
    "If we ever forget we are one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." Ronald Reagan

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    1,280

    Default

    Nothing To Declare:

    A young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her,
    'Father, may I ask a favor?'

    'Of course child. What can I do for you?'

    'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electric hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'

    'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

    'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

    When they got to customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

    The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

    'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'

    The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

    I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

    Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'
    "If we ever forget we are one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." Ronald Reagan

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Round Rock, Texas
    Posts
    2,943

    Default

    Lady washing car during Hurricane Harvey:

    http://www.facebook.com/ViralPatient...6045449104090/
    "My God, Woodrow. It has been quite a party, ain't it?"

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