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Thread: Fantastic February...

  1. #21
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    Jan 2016
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    wisconsin
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    One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to ten.. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!
    The mother responds, Very good honey. The blonde asks, Is that because Im a blonde mommy? And the mother responds, Yes dear.
    Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! . A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!
    The mother says, Very good honey. The blonde then asked. Is that because Im a blonde, Mommy? The mother responds, Yes dear.
    The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because Im a blonde, Mommy?
 And the mother responds, No Honey, its because youre twenty five.



    During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners and asked her students the following question:
    Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
    Michael said, Just a minute I have to go pee.
    The teacher responded by saying, That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?
    Sherman said, I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. Ill be right back.
    Thats better, but its still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?
    I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment?, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.

  2. #22
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    An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
    The bartender says to him, ‘You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.’ The Irishman replies, ‘Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days we all drank together.
    ‘The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.
    One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, ‘I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.’
    The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. ‘Oh, no, ‘ he says, ‘Everyone is fine. I’ve just quit drinking!

  3. #23
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    A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow’s final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member’s death.
    One smart ass, male student said, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” And the whole classroom burst into laughter.
    After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, “Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write.”

  4. #24
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    Sep 2009
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    Jacksonville, FL
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    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frdric Bastiats essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  5. #25
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    Sep 2009
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    Jacksonville, FL
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    Check out the preceding photo.
    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frdric Bastiats essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Jacksonville, FL
    Posts
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    A close up.

    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frdric Bastiats essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  7. #27
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    Oct 2009
    Location
    NE Texas
    Posts
    3,096

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    looks like my (actually my wife's) cat


    jd
    ________________________________________
    ---------------------------------------------------

    It's not gun control that we need, it's soul control!

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Jacksonville, FL
    Posts
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    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frdric Bastiats essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  9. #29
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    Sep 2011
    Location
    Central MN
    Posts
    1,325

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    Speaking of cats,

    A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch-less Valentine panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.

    She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband sipping a glass of wine.

    At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs wide enough that her husband asks, "Are you wearing crotch-less panties?"

    "Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

    "Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."
    "Never pet a burning dog"

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Jacksonville, FL
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    A lesser known work of Norman Rockwell... "Cat Prevents Housefire".
    Attached Images Attached Images
    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frdric Bastiats essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

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