Fantastic February...

[340pd]

President Trump gets a late night phone call

[Bawanna]

I love that so much!

[wyntrout]

[ltxi]

I love that so much!

x2...

[dustnchips]

A young couple Cynthia and Scott were on their honeymoon and were staying at a five-star hotel with a large swimming pool. They decided to go for a swim, and Cynthia donned a new bikini that she had recently purchased. As she swam and splashed around in the pool, she soon noticed that the bikini was to large, and the top and bottom kept coming off. As they were the only ones in the pool, Cynthia and Scott would laugh and playfully retrieve the bikini from the pool’s bottom.
That evening they dressed swell for dinner and headed to their hotel’s stylish restaurant, where they were seated next to a huge aquarium. Strangely, the aquarium was devoid of any aquatic life.
When the Cynthia asked their waitress why the aquarium had no fish in it, she smiled broadly and said, “That’s not an aquarium young lady…that’s the swimming pool!”

[dustnchips]

In the week before Independence Day, Rico, an extremely poor farmer won the sweepstakes. (a million dollar) So to celebrate, he treated his wife and their children to a trip to see the Labor Day parade in New York.
He booked them rooms in the Sheraton International at the corner of Park Circle and Central Park North. They’d never been to anywhere like New York before, in fact they’d never traveled further afield than their town, so when they got there they were completely bowled over by all the glitz, glamor and excitement of the “Big Apple”.
Rico and his son Saul were particularly mesmerized by a shiny box with golden walls in the hotel reception. They’d never before come across doors that could move apart, and then automatically close again, as neither had seen a lift before. So they were totally amazed when a little old lady entered the shiny box and the doors closed on her. The lights on the wall by the doors flashed for a minute or so, then the doors opened and out stepped a hot young woman.
Rico turned to Saul and said, “Son, go get your mother.”

[wyntrout]

Did you know?

[jeepster09]

Suddenly, a cow runs out onto the road, and a limo driving late at
night, hits it head on, and the car comes to a stop. The woman in the
back seat, in her usual abrasive manner, says to the Chauffeur, "You
get out and check on that poor cow. You were driving."

So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is
dead, but it appeared to be very old. Well, says the bitchy woman, "You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over
there."

Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full
belly, his hair ruffled, and a big grin on his face.
"My God, what happened to you?" asks the nasty woman.

The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best
bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave me a meal fit for a king,
and the daughter made love to me."
"What on earth did you say?" asks the woman.

Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened, I said to them,
"I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."

[jeepster09]

While riding my bike yesterday, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch with my bike, I guess."

[Armybrat]

Jocko?