Fantastic February...

[Armybrat]

For some odd reason I have the strong urge to munch on a burger...

[jeepster09]

That's what I was thinking...

[jeepster09]

The Preacher's Son

---

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time
the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. One day,
while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an
experiment.

He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:

1. A Bible
2. A silver dollar
3. A bottle of whiskey
4. A Playboy magazine.

“I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself.
"When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he
picks up.”

"If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a
blessing that would be!

"If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man and that
would be okay, too.

"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken
bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.


“And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a
skirt-chasing womanizer.”

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as
he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy
tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he
spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he
walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.

He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket.

He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the
magazine's centerfold.

“Lord have mercy," the old preacher whispered. "He's gonna run for
Congress.”

[Armybrat]

^^^ Oh so accurate!

[dustnchips]

Florencia who plays cards once a month with a desperate group of friends was concerned that she always woke her husband when she came home around 1 AM.
One night, after the card game she decided to try not to arouse him. Florencia undressed in the living room and, handbag over arm, tiptoed nude into the bedroom – only to find her husband sitting up in bed reading.
“Damn it woman!” he screamed. “Did you lose everything !?”

[dustnchips]

“Hello?”, “Hi sweety. This is Daddy.Could you give the phone to your Mommy if she is near the phone?”
“No Daddy. She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Ben.”
After a short pause, Daddy says, “But sweety, you haven’t got an Uncle Ben.”
“Oh yes I have and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now.”
Short Pause,again. “Ah umm, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”
“Okay Daddy, just a minute.”
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
“I did it Daddy.”She says.
“And what happened sweety?”Daddy asked.
Well, Mommy screamed, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around. Then she tripped over the carpet, hit her head on the console and now she isn’t moving at all!”
“Jesus Christ! What about your Uncle Ben?”
“He jumped out of the bed all naked, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the floor of the pool and I think he does not breath now.”
Silence…Silence…Silence for a long time…
Then Daddy says,
“Swimming pool? Is this 356-8769?”

[dustnchips]

A man escapes from the jail where he has been for fourteen years.
He breaks into a house to look for food,clothes,money,car and maybe guns.He goes to the bedroom and finds a new married young couple in bed.
He shouts to the young husband out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the wife to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While convict is in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen honey, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his weird face and clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and has not seen a woman for years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t fight back, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you.This man is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us.Be strong darling.I love you.”
After that his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was a gay, thought you were nice and cute, and asked me if we had any moisturizer or vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong darling.I love you too!”

[kenemoore]

^^Good ones!

[wyntrout]

[wyntrout]