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Thread: June June....

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
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    Wet & Wild Pacific NW
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    28,022

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    My Jocko decoder ring was corroding, timing was perfect. I cleaned and oiled it up. Used old oil out of a Gold Whiner.
    http://bawanna45.wix.com/bawannas-grip-emporium#!
    In Memory of Paul "Dietrich" Stines.
    Dad: Say something nice to your cousin Shirley
    Dietrich: For a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
    Cue sound of Head slap.

    RIP Muggsy & TMan

  2. #12
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    Jan 2010
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    Twin Cities MN.
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    3,571

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    Whiner....Weiner...hmmm...
    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  3. #13
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    Oct 2009
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    Five rules for a happy and successful long term relationship with a woman

    1. Find a woman who really likes taking great care of you.

    2. Find a woman who wants to spend time with you doing the things you most enjoy.

    3. Find a woman who makes you laugh.

    4. Find a woman who truly loves you with all her heart.

    5. Most important rule of all. Never let any of these women find out about each other!!!
    " An armed society is a polite society".... Robert A. Heinlein

    "Those who hammer their guns into plows, will plow for those who do not".... Thomas Jefferson

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
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    Jacksonville, FL
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    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frédéric Bastiat’s essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.”
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  5. #15
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    Sep 2009
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    Jacksonville, FL
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    Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

    Arlene: What in the hell is that?

    Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

    Arlene: Where did you get it?
    Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

    The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

    The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what size, texture, brand of condom she prefers.

    'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'

    The pharmacist fainted.
    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frédéric Bastiat’s essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.”
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    south east Michigan
    Posts
    2,049

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    Your BAD……..but funny!!!

  7. #17
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    Sep 2009
    Location
    Jacksonville, FL
    Posts
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    WARNING !!!!!!! GREEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...




    WARNING !!!!!!! GREEN SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS...

    The smooth Green Snake sometimes called a grass Snake (Opheodrys vernalis) ,can be dangerous Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why.

    A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

    It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

    She let out a very loud scream.

    The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

    He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

    His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

    The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

    About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

    The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

    But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

    The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

    The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

    The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

    By now, the police had arrived.
    Breathe here...

    They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!

    The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

    Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

    The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

    Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

    Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

    A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

    And that's when he shot her.
    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frédéric Bastiat’s essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.”
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  8. #18
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Upstate, South Carolina
    Posts
    815

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    Good one, I'm going to steal it and use it.
    NRA Benefactor

  9. #19
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Round Rock, Texas
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    June 23, 1917, Boston Red Sox pitcher Babe Ruth (yes, that Babe Ruth) was ejected in the first inning of a baseball game against the Washington Senators. He was replaced by Ernie Shore, who retired the next 26 batters in a row.

    The game had started with Ruth walking Senators lead-off batter Ray Morgan; umpire Brick Owens lost no time in ejecting Ruth when he approached the plate to argue about the four pitches (which witnesses say were obviously balls, but the odds of Ruth being too drunk to see clearly were, alas, fairly high).

    Ruth, being Ruth, decided that the appropriate response to getting ejected was to slug the ump (though, again, he didn't land a good punch, probably owing to being stinking drunk).

    After Shore came into the game, Morgan attempted to steal 2nd and was thrown out. Thus, only the minimum 27 Senators batted in the game, which for years was carried in the record books as a perfect game by Shore, though it was later changed to reflect more accurately that it was a no-hitter shared by two pitchers.

    Ruth served a 10 game suspension, with a $100 fine, and publicly apologized (how sincerely is anyone's guess). He played two more years in Boston, and was then sold to the Yankees after the 1919 season, leading to the 20th century "Curse of the Bambino" which was not broken until the Red Sox won the title in 2004.
    A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition
    -Rudyard Kipling

  10. #20
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    Oct 2009
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    Great story brat, Things sure were different back then, the Babe could smoke 3 cigars, eat 4 hot dogs and suck down half dozen beers during a game and still go out a jack one out of the park.....Reminds me of a really good, funny book I read a while back about Art Donovan called "Fatso, Football when men were men"....Art Donovan was a defensive tackle who played for the Baltimore Colts during their championship years of 1958/1959....In one story they were playing a road game against the Detroit Lions and their great quarterback Bobby Layne....Art got a free run at Layne and smacked him a good lick and while at the bottom of the pile nose to nose (no face masks back then) and Art goes, damn Bobby you stink like a distillery, are you still hung over from last night?....Bobby says hell no, I drank a pint of Johnny Walker at half time so I could play with the ribs you busted in the first half......Back then guys played with everything they had and for not very much money compared to the whiny prima donnas in the league today.....Go on YouTube and watch some clips of Art Donovan from his several visits on the Johnny Carson show and the Tonight Show with Jay Leno....Art was a very funny, down to earth guy and they broke the mold when they made him......
    " An armed society is a polite society".... Robert A. Heinlein

    "Those who hammer their guns into plows, will plow for those who do not".... Thomas Jefferson

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