July Joyride

[kenemoore]

Nice one Jeepster

[jeepster09]

State Jokes

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Florida

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. 'Amazing,' he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, 'What am I doing? I’m too old for this!' and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding, a reason I’ve never heard before– I’ll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.

Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y’all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings. "

Louisiana

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana."

When asked why, he replied, "I’d rather be in Louisiana ‘cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did y’all see who it was?"

The young man answered, "I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number."

North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got a flat tahr.” "

The passerby asked, "But what’s with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head."

"Yep," he replied. "That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’"



Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’ nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North. Have ya?

[AIRret]

Jeepster that made me laugh out loud!!!

[kwh]

Laughing in North Carolina.

[jeepster09]

I did some tree trimming today.....

https://www.youtube.com/embed/0BLsYRfgHWI

[Bawanna]

Your quite the logger dude. Well done.

[Armybrat]

The wife & I are off to England & France this afternoon for our delayed anniversary trip. We have a nonstop flight from Austin to London, so there's no real hassle about changing planes & less chance of losing luggage. It will be our first trip to Europe.

The wife has a bunch of cathedrals & churches on her schedule, while a number of war museums & castles are on mine. Staying in London & Paris a week each, then with friends in their homes (England & France both) for 4 days each, and several days on the road (Canterbury, & Normandy - Omaha Beach). We'll take a hydrofoil ferry across to frogland, then the Channel Tunnel back to the UK. Return home the last week of August.

Am gonna feel nekkid walking around without my personal protection device. Too bad, because when my dad was there he got to carry his service 1911 and his personal Colt M1903.

[Bawanna]

Have fun. Stay alert, there's lots of foreign people over there.
Be fun to see some of that stuff over there.
I have a test tube of sand from Omaha Beach a fella on another forum sent me. It's kind of special and resides in a place of honor.


Safe Travels.

[wyntrout]

Have fun and enjoy the sights... so much to see! Both of you keep your situational awareness in high gear... lots of Middle Easterners with Shari'a on their mind with respect to anyone in their areas or drinking in public! Be careful of crowds and pickpockets, too!

[kenemoore]

True story:
A co-worker and his wife went to France for week or so. While waiting on the sidewalk, trying to hail a cab. Someone took off with all the luggage. Be Alert, be safe.