August absurdity

[jeepster09]

Jocko joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He got sent to Bragg and went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an actual airplane. The next day, he called me at my base to tell me the news.

"So, did you jump?" I asked.

"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the ramp and asked for volunteers. About a dozen dudes got up and just walked out of the plane!"

"Is that when you jumped?" I asked him.

"Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other guys one at a time and throw them out the door."

I asked, "Did you jump then?"

"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my ass."

"So, did you jump?"

"Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the strut and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big mean looking guy, about six-foot five, and 260 pounds. He said to me, `Boy, are you gonna jump or not?' I said, `No, sir. I'm too scared.' So the Jump Master unbuttoned his drawers and pulled his dong out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as my forearm! He said, `Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm ramming this black mambo right up your a$$.'"

"So, did you jump?" I asked yet again.

"Well, a little, at first."

[kenemoore]

Oh Jeepster, tsk tsk tsk. I did laugh though.

[jeepster09]

Hmmm Service?

[ltxi]

Well...I spent most all of my adult life in Federal "Service". National defense. Both military and then later continuing as a civilian. I always viewed it as an honorable profession, devoted to preventing us all from becoming subject to that sort of thing.

[jeepster09]

Why Millennials don't ride motorcycles

---

Here are the reasons why Millennials don't ride motorcycles:

1. Pants won't pull up far enough for them to straddle the seat.

2. Can't get their phone to their ear with a helmet on.

3. Can't use 2 hands to eat while driving.

4. They don't get a trophy and a recognition plaque just for buying one.

5. Don't have enough muscle to hold the bike up when stopped.

6 Might have a bug hit them in the face and then they would need emergency care.

7. Motorcycles don't have air conditioning.

8. They can't afford one because they spent 12 years in college trying to get educated.

9. They are allergic to fresh air.

10. Their pajamas get caught on the exhaust pipes.

11. They might get their hands dirty checking the oil.

12. The handle bars have buttons and levers and cannot be controlled by touch-screen.

13. You have to shift manually and use something called a clutch.

14. It's too hard to take selfies while riding.

15. They don't come with training wheels like their bicycles did.

16. Motorcycles don't have power steering or power brakes.

17. Their nose ring interferes with the face shield.

18. They would have to use leg muscle to back up.

19. When they stop, a light breeze might blow exhaust in their face.

20 It could rain on them and expose them to non-soft water.

21. It might scare their therapy dog, and then the dog would need therapy.

[wyntrout]

Dallas TX(AP) - A 7 year old boy was at the center of a court room drama yesterday when he challenged the court’s ruling of who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and was initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beats him more than his parents, and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he should live with his grandparents, the boy cried and then stated they beat him also.

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life for them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.


(Not my opinion... just re-posting. )

[Bawanna]

Oh my! I didn't see that one coming.

[Armybrat]

I laughed out loud. Oh so true of the Cowgirls.

[Bawanna]

They do have some fine cow girls and I don't think any of their boobs are too big.

[AIRret]

NO ONE BELIEVES SENIORS ANYMORE!

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Jerry had carved I love you, Sally.On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money - fifty thousand dollars!Jerry said, We've got to give it back.Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?Sally said, No.Jerry said, She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.Sally said, Don't believe him, he’s getting senileThe agents turned to Jerry and began to question him.One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.Jerry said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ...The first police officer turned to his partner and said, We’re outta here!