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Thread: September silliness

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Central MN
    Posts
    1,391

    Default September silliness

    It had been snowing all night, so....

    8:00 am I made a snowman.

    8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

    8:15 So, I made a snow woman.

    8:17 My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere.

    8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it
    could have been two snow men instead.

    8:22 The transgender ma..wom...person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts.

    8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot
    nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

    8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.

    8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa.

    8:40 The Police arrive saying someone has been offended

    8:42 The feminist neighbor complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role.

    8:43 The council equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction.


    8:45 TV news crew from the ABC shows up. I am asked if I know the
    difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am now called a sexist.

    9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

    9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices. My children are taken by social services.

    9:29 Far left protesters offended by everything, are marching down
    the street demanding for me to be beheaded.

    Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just the world in which we live today and it’s going to get worse.
    "Never pet a burning dog"

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Twin Cities MN.
    Posts
    3,513

    Default

    A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down……

    The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

    "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

    "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

    "I'd be happy to," said the blonde.

    So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

    Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

    With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
    "What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!"
    "Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World."
    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Jacksonville, FL
    Posts
    10,702

    Default



    That site is really funny! https://grogcomics.com/
    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frédéric Bastiat’s essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.”
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Jacksonville, FL
    Posts
    10,702

    Default

    Laid Off




    Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation Paddy answered, "Knicker Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies’ knickers and thongs."


    The clerk looked up "Knicker Stitcher" on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labor, he gave him $80 a week unemployment pay.


    Mick was next in line and when asked his occupation, he replied, "Diesel Fitter." Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160 a week.


    When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

    The clerk explained, "Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labor and Diesel Fitters are skilled labor."


    "What skill?" yelled Paddy. "I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts ‘em over his head and says: ‘Yep, dees'll fit 'er.’
    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frédéric Bastiat’s essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.”
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    580

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Twin Cities MN.
    Posts
    3,513

    Default

    Blonde Mortician

    A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

    The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly...

    She says to the blonde mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied... You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'
    To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.


    'There's no charge,' she says.

    'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

    'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

    'So I just switched the heads.'
    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Twin Cities MN.
    Posts
    3,513

    Default

    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Wet & Wild Pacific NW
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    Default

    Now that's smart thinking right there by golly.
    http://bawanna45.wix.com/bawannas-grip-emporium#!
    In Memory of Paul "Dietrich" Stines.
    Dad: Say something nice to your cousin Shirley
    Dietrich: For a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
    Cue sound of Head slap.

    RIP Muggsy & TMan

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    In the Colorado mountains
    Posts
    1,235

    Default

    I would have to duct tape a couple or three 30 pack boxes together for my dog. I'd need a bit more money!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Central MN
    Posts
    1,391

    Default

    "Never pet a burning dog"

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