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Thread: November Nonsense...

  1. #11
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    Sep 2009
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    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frédéric Bastiat’s essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.”
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  2. #12
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    "As a guitarist, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.



    I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.



    I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play.



    The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man.



    And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my guitar and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.



    As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”



    Apparently, I’m still lost…"

  3. #13
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    A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows,
    the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to
    impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above
    where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is
    when he gets here, OK?" The rancher leaves for the fields.

    After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front
    door. “I came to inseminate the cow,” he said.

    Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows, and when Amy sees the
    nail, she tells him, "This is the one right here."

    The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, "Tell me, lady, 'cause I'm
    dying to know. How would YOU know that this is the right cow to be bred?"

    "That's simple," she said. "By the nail that's over its stall," she explains very confidently.

    Laughing rudely at her, the man says, "And what, pray tell, is the nail for?"

    The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her
    shoulder, “I guess it’s to hang your pants on,” she replied.

    (It's nice to see a blonde winning...once in awhile.)
    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frédéric Bastiat’s essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.”
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Twin Cities MN.
    Posts
    3,545

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    Having mom over for dinner!

    You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...

    Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian 's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

    Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

    Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates."

    About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

    Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure.
    So he sat down and wrote:
    Dear Mom: I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

    Love, Brian

    Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
    Dear Son: I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

    Love, Mom

    LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER
    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  5. #15
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    Jan 2010
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    Now you know....
    Attached Images Attached Images
    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  6. #16
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    Sep 2009
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    Jacksonville, FL
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    Just saw this holiday request on Facebook:

    Y'all I seriously have a big favor to ask of everyone... Those of you who are planning to place Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, can you please avoid anything that is red or blue & flashing? Every time I drive by, I think it's the police & have a panic attack. I have to take my foot off the gas, toss my beer, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down & push the gun under the seat. It's too much drama. Thank you for your cooperation & understanding.🎄🎄
    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frédéric Bastiat’s essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.”
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  7. #17
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    Sep 2011
    Location
    Central MN
    Posts
    1,407

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    A possible solution for border control?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNlt...=youtu.be&t=14
    "Never pet a burning dog"

  8. #18
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    Jan 2010
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    Twin Cities MN.
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    Beware of Bawanna....

    A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.
    On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, 'I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am.

    'About 32,' is the reply.'

    'Nope! I'm exactly 50,' the woman says happily.

    A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question.

    The girl replies, 'I'd guess about 29.' The woman replies with a big smile, 'Nope, I'm 50.'

    Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.

    She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.

    The clerk responds, 'Oh, I'd say 30.'

    Again she proudly responds, 'I'm 50, but thank you!'

    While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

    He replies, 'Lady, I'm old and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.'

    They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her.

    She finally blurts out, 'What the hell, go ahead.'

    He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully.

    He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.

    He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

    After a couple of minutes of this, she says, 'Okay, okay.....How old am I?'

    He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, 'Madam, you are 50.'

    Stunned and amazed, the woman says, 'That was incredible, how could you tell?'

    'I was behind you at McDonalds'

    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  9. #19
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    For the dog lovers out there.

    https://imgur.com/qZbg5R0
    "Never pet a burning dog"

  10. #20
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    Wow that was awesome!
    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

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