April Fools

[Armybrat]

[Bobshouse]

2F9XXz6.jpg

[wyntrout]

[wyntrout]

[wyntrout]

[JohnR]

^^ Great one!

[wyntrout]

[TXscooterguy]

Husband: "Why don't you tell me when you orgasm?"

Wife: "Because I don't like calling you at work."

[jeepster09]

As soon as I lay down on the bed, she dimmed the lights and walked over quietly, almost as if gliding across the room. I could barely see a faint smile as she removed my shirt, her hands traveling across my chest, exploring, caressing. She was young, but had an assuring tone to her voice that let me know she knew what she was doing and that she was in charge. Her hands were soft and warm as she moved up and down my chest, knowing exactly where she wanted to go.

When it was over, she smiled. “You were terrific,” she purred.

"I’ll get the results of your echo-cardiogram over to your cardiologist this afternoon, Sir.

[AIRret]

Chester and Earl were sitting before the roaring fireplace when Chester sent his dog out to his lake to see if there were any ducks. "If there aren’t many ducks out there, I’m not going hunting".

The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says “Well I’m not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."

Earl says “You’re going to take the dog’s barks for the truth?”

"Sure," said Chester. "I trust what he barks."

Earl doesn’t believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says “I don’t believe it. There really are only two ducks out there! Where did you get that dog?”

Chester responded, “Well, I got him from Cooter, who's breeds them, just up the road. If you want one, you can get one from him."

So Earl goes to Cooter and says he wants a dog just like Chester's. Cooter said sure, charged Earl $10 and Earl brought the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks.

Minutes later the dog returns shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and starts humping Earl’s leg.

Earl is mightily pissed as he takes the dog back to Cooter and declared, "This pooch is a fraud. I sent him out to count the ducks and all he did was shake his head with a damn stick between his teeth while humping my leg. I want my $10 back!”

Cooter nodded his head and said, “Earl, you *******, dogs can’t talk. He was trying to tell you there are more ******* ducks out there than you can shake a stick at."

sorry about the spicy language, but the joke wouldn't be the same without it.