Anybody heard from JUNE....

[jeepster09]

On a serious note is worth mentioning that 25% of American women are on some sort of mental health medication.
This means the remaining 75% are wandering around untreated.

[jeepster09]

This is the story of the blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies.



She, frantically calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and he's dead and I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!”



She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control, retired Marine fighter pilot, and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath.

Everything will be fine!



Now give me your height and position.”



She says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Obama.”



"O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven....."

[jeepster09]

An Amish Man, Amos Stolfus goes to NY City. He's never been to a big city. He's never even seen a tall building.
While waiting in the lobby he watches an older woman go into the elevator. A minute later the door opens and a pretty young lady exits.
A few minutes later another older woman goes into the elevator and wouldn't you know in a few minutes a pretty woman comes out.

So Amos leans over to his son and says, "Jacob, go and get your mother."

[jeepster09]

Two old guys, one named Garry 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "Yes, I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves... By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard!"

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this stuff but me."

[jeepster09]

Ok....one more :=]

The Pope was on a visit to Alaska, surveying the scenery. Suddenly from the edge of the woods he heard an ear splitting scream, terrifying to hear. He saw a young man wearing shorts, sandals, a "Hope and Change' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt, struggling frantically, to get away from a huge angry grizzly bear.

As the Pope watched in horror, a group of gnarly woodsman types wearing NRA caps appeared out of the woods. One quickly fired a .44 magnum slug right into the bear's chest. The two other men pulled the now semiconscious man from the bear's grasp. Then using baseball bats, the remaining loggers finished off the bear. Two of the men dragged the dead grizzly onto the bed of their pickup truck while the other tenderly placed the injured man in the back seat. As they began to leave, the Pope summoned all of them over to him. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions!" he proudly proclaimed. "I have heard there was bitter hatred between Liberals and Conservatives, loggers and activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true."

As the Pope drove off, one logger asked his buddies, "Who the hell was that guy?"
"Dude, that was the Pope," another replied. "He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom."
"Well," the logger said, "he may have access to all wisdom, but he don't know squat about bear hunting; by the way, is the bait still alive or do we need to go back to California and get another one?”

[jeepster09]

As a goodbye to June....her words of wisdom to Ward!