July Hot Ones

[wyntrout]

Click to play video. Hilarious!

[jeepster09]

Archeologists just discovered two dinosaurs buried together. They are new to science. Both were females and were in am embrace. By their position they figured they were lesbian. The name for the new find took some time to figure. They came down to the scientific name of likalotapus.

[jeepster09]

Just not right.....

[jeepster09]

Three Contractors……Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House

One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $9,000. That's $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $7,000. That's $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$27,000."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure?”

"The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government Stimulus plan worked.

Remember.. Four boxes keep us free: the soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box.

[jeepster09]

Getting Home Late...

---

A wife comes home late one night, arriving early from being out of town and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

“Hi, Darling”, he says, “Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom.”

[jeepster09]

Drug Names.

---

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and
Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently
announced that it has settled on the
generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.


Pfizer Corp. announced today that
Viagra will soon be available in liquid
form, and will be marketed by Pepsi
Cola as a power beverage suitable for
use as a mixer..

It will now be possible for a man to
literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a
soft drink, and it gives new meaning to
the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and
just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more
money being spent on breast implants
and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2022, there should
be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely
no recollection of what to do with them.