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Thread: Fibb-a-wary....

  1. #11
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    "Never pet a burning dog"

  2. #12
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    ...
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    A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition
    -Rudyard Kipling

  3. #13
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    "Never pet a burning dog"

  4. #14
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    A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition
    -Rudyard Kipling

  5. #15
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    This is priceless. Oh, the power in words .In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructors also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings. Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs.



    An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'

    'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

    'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'

    'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

    'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

    When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

    'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

    The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

    'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

    Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!'
    USAF Retired '88, NRA Life Member. Wife USAF Retired '96
    Avatar: Wynn re-enlists his wife Desiree, circa 1988 Loring AFB, ME. 42nd BMW, Heavy (SAC) B-52G's
    Frédéric Bastiat’s essay, The Law: http://mises.org/books/thelaw.pdf

    Thomas Jefferson said

    “A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.”
    and

    "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading".

  6. #16
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    Bill was a bit embarrassed and told the doctor he had trouble getting an erection with his wife and she was getting frustrated.
    The doc checked the man's blood pressure and other vitals. Then after a thorough examination the doctor said he wanted to check with Bill's wife.

    He took her to another cubicle and asked her to disrobe. Then he told her to turn all the way around slowly.

    She did as instructed. He then told her to raise her arms above her head, then bend over, touch her toes and cough.

    Finally he said, "Ok, good. You can get dressed now, and I will go talk to your husband".

    The doctor went back to the other cubicle and said to the husband, "Well Bill, you can relax, there is nothing wrong with you. I couldn't get an erection either.

    See picture below...This is Bill...




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    "Never pet a burning dog"

  7. #17
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    A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool... After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
    The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
    'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
    "Never pet a burning dog"

  8. #18
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    Fishing

    I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms.
    Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in its mouth.
    Frogs are good bass bait.

    Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with a frog in its mouth, I grabbed it right behind its head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

    Now the dilemma - how to release the snake without getting bit. Looking around me, I spotted the bottle of Jack Daniels, so I grabbed it and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. Its eyes rolled back and it went limp.

    I released the snake into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.

    Not long after I felt a nudge on my foot.

    It was that damn snake ...

    ... with 2 more frogs.
    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  9. #19
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  10. #20
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    A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition
    -Rudyard Kipling

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