March Mania

**Armybrat** · 03-01-2020, 06:22 AM

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**I_Like_Turtles** · 03-01-2020, 11:58 AM

That's really funny. I have already sent that to a couple of friends.

**jeepster09** · 03-01-2020, 02:35 PM

Tha man and an ostrich

A man walks into a pub with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, 'A Hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's Yours?' 'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns with the order. 'That will be £9.40 please,' she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries, and a coke.' The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.' Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount. For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week.

'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, this time it's a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad,' says the man. 'Yep! Same,' says the ostrich. Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be £32.62.' Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir,how do you manage to always come up with the exact money from your pocket every time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was clearing the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two
wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would wish for a couple of million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!' 'That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'But, sir, what's with the ostrich?' The man sighs, pauses, and replies, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big arse and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

**jeepster09** · 03-01-2020, 02:37 PM

Rough Day

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He orders six shots of tequila.

The bartender asks the man, "Have a rough day?"

The man replies, "Yeah, I found out that my younger brother is gay!"

The bartender says, "Man, I'm sorry to hear that. That's awful."

The man downs the shots and leaves.

The very next day the same man comes back into the bar and orders six more shots of tequila.

Bartender asks the man, "What's wrong today?"

The man replies, "I just found out my older brother is gay."

Bartender says, "Man, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible."

The man downs his shots and leaves.

The man returns again on the third day and again orders six shots of tequila.

Bartender asks the man, "More bad news?"

The man says, "Yeah."

The bartender asks the man, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women??"

The man says, "Yeah, my wife."