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Thread: How are YOU and your FAMILY holding up under the strain?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    227

    Default How are YOU and your FAMILY holding up under the strain?

    Today my father had a full-on MELTDOWN over having to wash his hands. He yelled "YOU DON'T RESPECT ME!" and "YOU TALK TO ME LIKE I'M DIRT!" He even used the "YOU CAN JUST STAY AWAY!" at one point.

    He is 79 years old, I do practically everything for him, and mom passed on with him by her side after we took care of her at home, bedfast, for 11 months.

    I suspect he is just upset with being cooped up plus having to defer to his son when it comes to matters of preventing this illness.

    Family and friends often tell me how much be brags on me for being there for him.

    I try to stay super calm, even when he really hurts my feelings. I try to see it as a "game" with the goal being not to win the argument, but to beat the virus.

    I assume domestic violence calls are on the rise along with suicides.

    I cannot cope with exercise as the gym is closed and it's too wet and cold outside to exercise outside. I speak with my fiance and friends daily though, that helps me.

    How is everyone else here holding up?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Wet & Wild Pacific NW
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    29,145

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    My mom now in assisted living was pretty much the same way you mention your dad being, she would rant and get mad at my two sisters and call them names, refuse to do stuff etc.
    But when I was there she'd cooperate and do as asked. For example giving up driving, she's nearly blind and had no business driving. Sisters got after her and met the brick wall.
    I went over and told her I didn't think it was a good idea to drive any more, dangerous for her and others. No fight, no issue, ok, I won't drive any more.
    She was in a nursing home for a month, I visited several times a week even though it was an hour away close to my sisters.
    Staff said nothing but fights and no cooperation with sisters but fine when I was there.

    I think the trick is to talk with and converse with them, don't insist, be bossy etc. She was dealing with dementia for awhile they think brought on by infections due to improper hygiene living by herself far too long, mostly because I didn't insist she get help, trying to abide by her wishes. Funny thing is she'd be out to lunch but came out of it whenever I was there.

    I'm sure all cases are different but I know my sisters approach only made things worse.
    http://bawanna45.wix.com/bawannas-grip-emporium#!
    In Memory of Paul "Dietrich" Stines.
    Dad: Say something nice to your cousin Shirley
    Dietrich: For a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
    Cue sound of Head slap.

    RIP Muggsy & TMan

    "If you are a warrior legally authorized to carry a weapon and you step outside without that weapon, then you become a sheep, pretending that JOCKO will not come today."

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    4,595

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    My father passed at 85 yrs. old. He had meltdowns over everything. He never "understood" me growing up. Had PTSD before they even knew what it was. Took it out on my mother and me. I moved out of the house and started supporting myself at age 15. These days, he would be in prison. He had to be in a home after falling so many times. I couldn't deal with him or his anger, growing up or in death. Your kind of lucky that you can have some bonding with your father, even if it's under trying times. The anger that he's expressing is mild. Take it as a gift, this time together. You won't regret it.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Gwinnett County, Georgia
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    3,371

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    Hey, Bawanna. I dealt with the driving issue slightly differently. My mother was 96 and still driving to the food store, library, beauty shop, and wherever every week. She was fine in late August when I last saw her and had no problems driving. When I went up to Knoxville for Thanksgiving, she was close to bedridden. I didn't think she'd ever think of driving again, but her 6 year old Buick Park Avenue was still in the garage. It only had 30K. I knew that her next door neighbor was looking for a dependable car for one of his employees, so I sold him the car for $1500. I had POA so I handled the paperwork. She went into the Hospital in December and died the first part of January. I don't think she ever noticed.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Round Rock, Texas
    Posts
    3,525

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    Condolences for your loss O’Dell. At least your mom was spared the current angst.

    My family is coping well so far. The wife & I are at home most of the time anyway, but we will miss the weekly Happy Hour meets with our friends, the occasional day trips for “antiquing” around Central Texas, not to mention visiting with the grandkids.

    Oldest son is a banker who is working from home. His regional agricultural bank (not a full service bank) is fighting off account raiders from the big megabanks like BoA. So he & his team of “responders” are working overtime. His wife is an HR director for a school district, so she is WFH.

    Middle son is a self-employed house renovator who has a full schedule of steady work. Is currently contracted to paint a bunch of houses for Habitat for Humanity. Whenever you see on the news a group of weekend volunteers daubing some paint outside an old house or hammering a nail, my son is the guy briefly in the background who has painted the entire interior. Lol
    His sons, 17 & 10, are at home supposedly doing their lessons online part of the day. They really are responsible kids, and are not flaky like so many we see in the media.

    Son #3 is working for a tech company that makes critical parts for military & hospital equipment, so is designated an essential industry and not subject to closure. His wife has been on SS disability for two years and has underlying health issues. At least her daughter is an RN and could help some if really needed.
    A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition
    -Rudyard Kipling

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Central MN
    Posts
    1,652

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    I just made my monthly liquor store run for the second time this week.
    "Never pet a burning dog"

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Wet & Wild Pacific NW
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    29,145

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    Quote Originally Posted by O'Dell View Post
    Hey, Bawanna. I dealt with the driving issue slightly differently. My mother was 96 and still driving to the food store, library, beauty shop, and wherever every week. She was fine in late August when I last saw her and had no problems driving. When I went up to Knoxville for Thanksgiving, she was close to bedridden. I didn't think she'd ever think of driving again, but her 6 year old Buick Park Avenue was still in the garage. It only had 30K. I knew that her next door neighbor was looking for a dependable car for one of his employees, so I sold him the car for $1500. I had POA so I handled the paperwork. She went into the Hospital in December and died the first part of January. I don't think she ever noticed.
    My moms car was mostly in the garage also and just being there apparently made her feel like she could go if she wanted. I ended up buying the car myself as it is AWD and handly on our hill in the snow. I also had POA.
    http://bawanna45.wix.com/bawannas-grip-emporium#!
    In Memory of Paul "Dietrich" Stines.
    Dad: Say something nice to your cousin Shirley
    Dietrich: For a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
    Cue sound of Head slap.

    RIP Muggsy & TMan

    "If you are a warrior legally authorized to carry a weapon and you step outside without that weapon, then you become a sheep, pretending that JOCKO will not come today."

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Feb 2020
    Posts
    227

    Default

    Today has been a better day. I woke up to find dad had gone out to feed the crows. On his way back in, I was going to hold the door for him. In his hands, is a FEDEX package.

    Amazingly, he did not blow up when I suggested he leave that on the porch. "I was just helping you" was his reply but I reminded him that we quarantine all cardboard for 24 hours. Since he then touched the cup he uses to feed the crows I washed that in the sink. He had also touched his jacket, which he (again amazingly) allowed me to wash. He then went and washed his hands.

    I think comparisons are great ways to explain things so I told him "think of the house as a transfer case. Gears in a transfer case have to be clean: no water, no dirt, no metal shavings. If we don't, the gears will be worn down prematurely or seize up. So try to think of anything we touch as bringing dirt into our transfer case." Dad thought that was a good comparison.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Central MN
    Posts
    1,652

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    Quote Originally Posted by I_Like_Turtles View Post
    Today my father had a full-on MELTDOWN over having to wash his hands. He yelled "YOU DON'T RESPECT ME!" and "YOU TALK TO ME LIKE I'M DIRT!" He even used the "YOU CAN JUST STAY AWAY!" at one point.

    He is 79 years old, I do practically everything for him, and mom passed on with him by her side after we took care of her at home, bedfast, for 11 months.

    I suspect he is just upset with being cooped up plus having to defer to his son when it comes to matters of preventing this illness.

    Family and friends often tell me how much be brags on me for being there for him.

    I try to stay super calm, even when he really hurts my feelings. I try to see it as a "game" with the goal being not to win the argument, but to beat the virus.

    I assume domestic violence calls are on the rise along with suicides.

    I cannot cope with exercise as the gym is closed and it's too wet and cold outside to exercise outside. I speak with my fiance and friends daily though, that helps me.

    How is everyone else here holding up?
    I am 75 and in great shape for my age. I try not to let negatives get me down hence I turn off the radio during my day browsing the internet or watching Netflix.
    Can you take your dad out for a drive. I hope that is permissible in your area. I just got back from a 4 mile walk and a freeway I passed looked like a normal day at noon so somebody is out and about. Is he a card player? cribbage etc. If he is, there are plenty of online sites where you can play against real players. here is one example, https://www.trickstercards.com/
    I am assuming he is a little bit internet savvy, if not, do what I am doing, teaching my wife to work a computer.
    YouTube is another option. I could, and have spend days just moving form one video to another.

    Sorry for the randomness of my suggestions but maybe I got lucky with one or two.
    "Never pet a burning dog"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    1,316

    Default

    Well, i am on day 6 of a 14 day quarantine. At work i apparently had contact with a person who had tested positive for the virus. As a safety precation my wife was also asked to stay at home by her employer for the 14 days as well. The good news is so far we both are symptom free. We are well supplied and are still getting paid so is like a forced "staycation." i know this could potentially be serious but we both have been blessed with good health all our lives and neither of us has an underlying condition. So hoping/praying if either of us do get it will be one of the 80% or so that just have mild symptoms. Not too worried about my dad although he is 87 and lives 500 miles from me. Very healthy for his age and still hunts,fishes and play a little golf. Fortunately he still has a good head on his shoulders and staying safe. Hope all the rest of you all are staying safe as well.
    Last edited by GROTMAN; 03-25-2020 at 04:25 PM.
    "If we ever forget we are one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." Ronald Reagan

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