July Jumble

[jeepster09]

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?""Oh, I don't know," said the stranger."How about nuclear power?""OK," said Little Johnny."That could be an interesting topic.But let me ask you a question first.""A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass.The same stuff.Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.Why do you suppose that is?""Jeez," said the stranger."I have no idea.""Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh!t?"

[jeepster09]

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.Little Suzy raises her hand."My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market.Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."Little Lucy went next."My dad owns a farm too.Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator.Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched.";Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story.Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."Next up was little Johnny."My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory.He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete.On the way down, he drank the case of beer.Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers.He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets!So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more.Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."The teacher looked a little shocked.After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story."Well," Johnny replied, "Don't f@#% with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

[jeepster09]

You were warned....
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child.Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

[Armybrat]

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[jeepster09]

Here we go....lol!

[Armybrat]

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