Can’t make this BS up..... but somebody in congress sure can:
Can’t make this BS up..... but somebody in congress sure can:
A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition
-Rudyard Kipling
An assistant to Nancy Pelosi told her she had a
fantastic dream last night.
There was a humongous parade in Washington
celebrating Pelosi. Millions lined the parade
route, cheering when Nancy went past. Bands
were playing; children were throwing confetti
into the air; there were balloons everywhere. It
was the biggest celebration Washington had
ever seen.
Nancy was very impressed and said, "That's
really great!
By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was
my hair okay?
Her assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket
was closed."
"Never pet a burning dog"
I love that, hope the parade is soon.
In Memory of Paul "Dietrich" Stines.
Dad: Say something nice to your cousin Shirley
Dietrich: For a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
Cue sound of Head slap.
RIP Muggsy & TMan
"If you are a warrior legally authorized to carry a weapon and you step outside without that weapon, then you become a sheep, pretending that JOCKO will not come today."
...
A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition
-Rudyard Kipling
Dear Santa,
I wood like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND,
BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a monkey trainer. How about I send you a ****ing book so you
can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger.
Santa
******************************
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah
Dear Sarah, Quit smoking pot...
Santa
******************************
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.
Please see what you Can do.
Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
What..., and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having? He's banging that red head like a screen door in a
hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice LEGOs instead.
Santa
******************************
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky
Mark,
First of all, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting your a$$ whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent Apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams!
Santa
*****************************
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney, begging $hit may work with your folks, but that Crap doesn't work up here. You're getting a
sweater vest & underwear again this year.
Santa
****************************
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love,
Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the $hits and carrots make the deer shoot air Biscuits in my face. You really want to be a
Kiss-a$$? Leave me a glass of Southern Comfort instead....
Santa
"Life Member NRA"
I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!
NICE! Some good ones there.
In Memory of Paul "Dietrich" Stines.
Dad: Say something nice to your cousin Shirley
Dietrich: For a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
Cue sound of Head slap.
RIP Muggsy & TMan
"If you are a warrior legally authorized to carry a weapon and you step outside without that weapon, then you become a sheep, pretending that JOCKO will not come today."
A cartridge in a bare tree.