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Thread: April fools

  1. #51
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    A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition
    -Rudyard Kipling

  2. #52
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    Sep 2009
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    Had an “ incident” in my home last night:

    Waking up around 12:30am after rolling over, I heard a very noisy “BANG” from somewhere in the house. That elicited a loud expletive from me as I got out of bed to investigate, waking my wife up in the process.

    Anyway, I slipped into my house shoes, grabbed the nightstand 9mm and proceeded to clear the house & garage room by room with all lights on. Didn’t find any burglars and nothing was out of place, which was very perplexing as the noise had obviously originated inside the house. So I went back to bed, trying to think of what could have caused it.... did a spent bullet or meteorite hit the roof? Did a floor tile under stress crack all of a sudden? Quite mystifying to say the least, but it took us a long while to get back to sleep.
    Luckily I didn’t encounter a burglar during the house search, as he would have died laughing at the sight of a very portly old man in his house slippers (and nothing else) creeping around with gun in hand. At least I would not have had to shoot him. 😆

    Got up late at 7am and did another search throughout the house and found nothing out of place until opening the fridge door to get a drink of water. That’s when I saw blobs of white dough scattered around inside the fridge. A tube of biscuit dough in a door shelf had popped open all on its own during the night with enough explosive violence to blow the metal cap off, making the loud bang when it hit the plastic shelf above it.

    So... we are having biscuits for breakfast if they can actually bake, as some were pretty dried out.
    A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition
    -Rudyard Kipling

  3. #53
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    Oct 2010
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    So the very portly Pillsbury dough boy was your burglar!

    I could have done without the visual of a naked portly old man with a gun, though...
    A corrupt government tends to be well protected by a thin white line of bureaucracy.

  4. #54
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    Sep 2009
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    Oh I don't know, I kind of envisioned Santa Claus doing a room search. Does that help at all?
    In Memory of Paul "Dietrich" Stines.
    Dad: Say something nice to your cousin Shirley
    Dietrich: For a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
    Cue sound of Head slap.

    RIP Muggsy & TMan

    "If you are a warrior legally authorized to carry a weapon and you step outside without that weapon, then you become a sheep, pretending that JOCKO will not come today."

  5. #55
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    Oct 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bawanna View Post
    Oh I don't know, I kind of envisioned Santa Claus doing a room search. Does that help at all?
    You keep your fantasies to yourself there, boss.
    A corrupt government tends to be well protected by a thin white line of bureaucracy.

  6. #56
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    Apr 2018
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    Central Floriduh
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    Meeeeeeeeerry Biscuits!!! Lol! I’ve done a few house clearings in my birthday suit. I have wondered what kind of terror would flash through the bad guys mind as he caught a glimpse of me and my weapon(s)

  7. #57
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    I'm learning way too much about y'alls sleeping habits...
    A corrupt government tends to be well protected by a thin white line of bureaucracy.

  8. #58
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    Probably qualify as assault with a dead weapon.
    In Memory of Paul "Dietrich" Stines.
    Dad: Say something nice to your cousin Shirley
    Dietrich: For a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
    Cue sound of Head slap.

    RIP Muggsy & TMan

    "If you are a warrior legally authorized to carry a weapon and you step outside without that weapon, then you become a sheep, pretending that JOCKO will not come today."

  9. #59
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    Oct 2010
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    Kinda glad Jocko’s back under his rock right now.
    A corrupt government tends to be well protected by a thin white line of bureaucracy.

  10. #60
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    Sep 2011
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    Central MN
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    "Never pet a burning dog"

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