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Thread: October outrageousness

  1. #1
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    Default October outrageousness

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    "Never pet a burning dog"

  2. #2
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    Aunt Becky

    One afternoon a teacher gives her class a homework assignment to go home and have their parents tell them a story with a moral.
    The next morning the teacher stands in front of the class and asks, “would anyone like to share the story from their homework?”
    25 little hands shoot in the air and the teacher calls on a young boy.
    “Well,” starts the boy, “my family raises chickens, and one time our chicken laid 9 eggs, but when they hatched we only got 8 chicks.”
    “And what was the moral of that story,” asked the teacher.
    “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch!”
    “Very good!” She responded, “who else would like to share their story?”
    This time she called on a girl in the front of the room.
    “We raise chickens too, but we raise them for their eggs,” said the girl. “One time we put our eggs in a basket in the back of our truck to take them to market, but on the way we hit a bump and the basket flew out and all the eggs broke.”
    “What was the moral there?”
    “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket!”
    “Excellent,” said the teacher. “We have time for one more story- who would like to share?”
    This time she called on a boy in the back of the room. “Ok, Johnny- tell us your story.”
    “My dad told me a story about my aunt Becky, who was a pilot in Desert Storm. One day she was flying over enemy territory when her plane was shot down, and all she had in the plane was a bottle of whiskey, a machete, and a machine gun. So she drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn’t go to waste and when she crash landed there were 100 enemy soldier waiting for her. So she killed 80 with the machine gun until she ran out of ammo, then she killed 10 with the machete till the blade broke off, then she killed the last 10 with her bare hands.”
    The teacher is absolutely appalled, but trying to maintain her composure she chokes out, “and w-what did your father tell you was the moral to that story?”
    “To stay the hell away from my aunt Becky when she’s been drinking!”

    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  3. #3
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    Poor badger

    Couple riding home run over a badger, they stop and find out it is still breathing but freezing cold. Husband says "put it between your legs to warm it up" Wife replies, "But it is all wet and it stinks" He says "well hold the badgers f__king nose then"
    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

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    Default

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    A man can never have too much red wine, too many books, or too much ammunition
    -Rudyard Kipling

  5. #5
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    Default

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    "Never pet a burning dog"

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  7. #7
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    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  8. #8
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    [img] [/img]
    "Never pet a burning dog"

  9. #9
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    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  10. #10
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    The bottom one on the left I’d do after 10 beers at closing time (I’m a sucker for pretty hair) but that one on the right the bartender should have cut her off after the 9th shot of Formaldehyde and Jack on the rocks………

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