I'm kind of a broken record and set in my ways but I'd stick to a 9 if at all possible or go to a revolver.
At first she might be intimidated but shouldn't take long at all to acclimate to the 9. No reason to provide her a defensive weapon with an inferior caliber. I think if recoil is so important I'd stick with the 22 over the 380.
In Memory of Paul "Dietrich" Stines.
Dad: Say something nice to your cousin Shirley
Dietrich: For a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
Cue sound of Head slap.
RIP Muggsy & TMan
"If you are a warrior legally authorized to carry a weapon and you step outside without that weapon, then you become a sheep, pretending that JOCKO will not come today."