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Thread: January's Jests

  1. #161
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    Location
    Upstate, South Carolina
    Posts
    1,379

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    NRA Benefactor

  2. #162
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Twin Cities MN.
    Posts
    5,746

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    What are you?

    Are you a Republican, a Democrat, or a Southerner?
    This little test will help you decide:
    You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and two young children.
    Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you…
    You are carrying a Kimber 1911 chambered in .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
    ******************************
    Democrat’s Answer:
    Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question! What is a Kimber 1911 and what does .45 ACP mean?
    Does the man look poor or oppressed? Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
    Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation?
    Does the pistol have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
    Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
    Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
    I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus. This is all so confusing!
    ******************************
    Republican’s Answer:
    BANG!
    ******************************
    Southerner’s Answer:
    BANG!
    BANG! BANG!
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    Click…..
    (Sounds of reloading)
    BANG!
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    BANG!
    Click.
    Daughter: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Speer Gold Dots or Federal Premium hollow points?!”
    Son: “Can I shoot the next one?!”
    Wife: “You are NOT taking that to a Taxidermist!”

    "Life Member NRA"
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  3. #163
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Wet & Wild Pacific NW
    Posts
    32,470

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    Always loved that. Words to live by. Thanks for helping me figure out what I am.
    In Memory of Paul "Dietrich" Stines.
    Dad: Say something nice to your cousin Shirley
    Dietrich: For a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
    Cue sound of Head slap.

    RIP Muggsy & TMan

    "If you are a warrior legally authorized to carry a weapon and you step outside without that weapon, then you become a sheep, pretending that JOCKO will not come today."

  4. #164
    Join Date
    Aug 2020
    Posts
    124

    Default

    Independent here (strangely under represented?), but the answer is, "how ever many bangs are needed to put the perp down" (hopefully that's less than two full mags of 45ACP though, maybe we should carry 10mm LOL!).

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