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Thread: MayHAM is here....

  1. #101
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Central MN
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    4,249

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    [img] [/img]
    "Never pet a burning dog"

  2. #102
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Central MN
    Posts
    4,249

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    [img] [/img]
    "Never pet a burning dog"

  3. #103

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    Stone cold truth

  4. #104
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    Oct 2009
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    My hero Al Bundy explains why men drink beer

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnzS43XqcKM

  5. #105
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    Apr 2016
    Location
    Silicon Valley, CA
    Posts
    278

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    Loved the rare occasions when my parents went out and Mom took us shopping to choose a Swansons. I was a salisbury steak with cobbler & corn boy.
    When I was a bit older, my brother and I graduated to the Swanson's chicken pot pies. We'd get two or three each and invariably burn our mouths.

    Quote Originally Posted by 340pd View Post
    [img] [/img]

  6. #106
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Twin Cities MN.
    Posts
    5,950

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    Shoe Shine Guy

    Every morning, the CEO of a major bank in Manhattan went to the corner where a shoeshine man was always there.

    He used to sit on the chair, read the Wall Street Journal, and the shoeshine man gave his shoes a shiny, great look.

    One morning, the shoeshine man asks the CEO:
    "What do you think of the stock market situation?"

    The CEO arrogantly asks him:
    "Why are you so interested in this subject?"

    The shoeshine man replies:
    "I have 20 million dollars deposited in your bank and I am thinking about investing part of the money in the stock market."

    The CEO of the bank asks:
    "What is your name?"

    He replies:
    "John Smith H."

    The CEO arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Major Accounts Department:
    "Do we have a customer named John Smith H.?"

    He replies:
    "We certainly do, sir! He is an extremely esteemed customer! He has 20 million dollars in his account."

    The CEO leaves the bank, approaches the shoeshine boy, and says:
    "Mr. Smith, I would like to invite you to be our guest of honor at our board meeting next Monday and tell us your life story. I'm sure we will have a lot to learn from you."

    At the board meeting, the CEO introduces him to the board members:
    "We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine like no one else. But Mr. Smith is also our valued customer, with twenty million dollars in his account.

    I invited him to tell us the story of his life. I'm sure we can learn a lot from him. Please, Mr. Smith, tell us your life story."

    Then, Mr. Smith began to narrate his story:
    "I came to this country thirty years ago as a young immigrant from Eastern Europe and with an unpronounceable name. I left the ship penniless in my pocket.

    The first thing I did was to change my name to Smith.

    I was hungry and exhausted. I started to wander in search for a job, but without success.

    Suddenly, I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought some apples.

    I had two options: eat the apples and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apples for 50 cents and bought more apples with the money.

    When I started accumulating dollars, I managed to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polishes and started cleaning shoes.

    I didn't spend a dime on fun or clothes. I only bought bread and cheese to survive.

    I saved penny by penny and after a while I bought a new set of brushes and shoe polishes in different shades and colors and increased my clientele.

    I lived like a monk and saved every penny. I managed to buy a chair so that my customers could sit comfortably while I cleaned their shoes, which brought me more customers.

    I didn't spend a dime on the pleasures of life. I kept saving every penny.

    A few years ago, when the corner shoeshine colleague decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his point, which was a better place than mine.

    Finally, 3 months ago, my drug dealer brother passed away and left me 20 million dollars.

    "Life Member NRA" / GOA Member.
    I am addicted to brake fluid...don't worry I can STOP at anytime!

  7. #107
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Location
    Wisconsin
    Posts
    5,663

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    Quote Originally Posted by tokuno View Post
    Loved the rare occasions when my parents went out and Mom took us shopping to choose a Swansons. I was a salisbury steak with cobbler & corn boy.
    When I was a bit older, my brother and I graduated to the Swanson's chicken pot pies. We'd get two or three each and invariably burn our mouths.
    There was something about that corn, in a good way. I ate those 2 choices along with meatloaf and chicken. Probably had fish sticks for lunch...........I can't tell you how many times I had Banquet Chicken and Biscuits, or Sliced Turkey and Gravy. Who knows what that was. Patrick Cudahy hot dogs in a pinch. Stomach is gurgling already......................................

  8. #108
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    1,671

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    BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT

    These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. newspapers.


    FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
    8 years old,
    Hateful little bastard.
    Bites!

    FREE PUPPIES
    1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

    FREE PUPPIES.
    Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
    Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences
    in a single bound.


    COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
    Also 1 gay bull for sale.


    JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
    Must sell washer and dryer £100.


    WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
    Worn once by mistake.
    Call Stephanie.


    FOR SALE BY OWNER
    Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer.
    No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything

    Statement of the century
    Thought from the greatest living Scottish thinker
    -- Billy Connolly: "If women are so bloody
    perfect at multitasking, how come they can't
    have a headache and sex at the same time?"​
    "If we ever forget we are one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." Ronald Reagan

  9. #109
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Posts
    1,671

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    "If we ever forget we are one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." Ronald Reagan

  10. #110
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    4,784

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    Remember when late night talk shows were really good and worth staying up for……..

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjNm4Axtol8

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